Yesterday, I was not at my best. I woke up, alone in my big bed, in my very quiet apartment, and it didn’t feel good. It didn’t make me feel independent or ready to hit the ground running. It felt cold and lonely. Wednesday had been good. Thursday, not so much.
There’s bound to be those days that we feel shaken to our very core. Thursday, sitting in my messy cube, I was abruptly and completely overwhelmed by the thought of one man. No, not the obvious one. I was greatly saddened when thinking about, of all people, Joe Paterno. I won’t explain my attachment to this phenom – suffice to say he brought back a lot of memories for me – of things I’ve cherished and lost, and will never look at the same way again. Will I be able to follow Colt McCoy’s career? Will I never pick up a golf club again? Can I ever again visit Napa without feeling a pain in my chest? How do I cancel the ski trip we had planned to leave for in 10 Days….
Right now, it’s hard to remember that just because things have changed in my everyday, it doesn’t mean that I stop participating in the things I love. It’s in these moments that I have to remember that I cannot control what is happening – I can only control my reaction to it.
I haven’t been a particularly religious person these past few years, but I do consider myself a spiritual one. My only choice is to put things in the hands of God / the Universe and know that I will not be misled. There has to be a bigger plan. But God / the Universe needs to know what it is I want. So listen up, You. Grab a pen.
I want to experience who I become while living in another city.
I want to figure out what my talents are.
I want to learn live for today.
I want to take a few months off and travel.
I want to learn to fly a helicopter.
I want to visit Olathe, Kansas, the town of my birth.
I want to learn another language.
I want to not care what other people think.
I want my children to have my blue eyes.
I want to live on bread, cheese, and wine in France for a while.
I want to learn to meditate.
I want to known for my kindness.
I want to not be afraid of failure.
I want to have a glass of champagne in first class.
I want to come home to someone who is thrilled to see me.
I want to laugh and smile everyday.
All of these may not happen, but it won’t be for lack of trying. I better get crackin’….