Anger…take a seat next to sadness and mounting disappointment…


This is what I know for sure.  It is absolutely possible to know too much about someone.  Not in the “ew, I don’t want to know about your bathroom habits” aspect – but truly… to know things about someone that no one else does… to know things about them… that they may in fact not know about themselves.  If I have learned anything..it’s that people have a right to their privacy and their secrets.

Too much truth is an extra weight on your shoulders, and only results in sad and bitter disappointment.  Not because they’re not a good person.  But because you now see them differently… and your relationship thus takes a turn.

Picture watching the men’s final of the Australian Open, that you’ve DVR’ed since it happened the day before.  Now, picture innocently going to NYTimes.com and having Federer in all his turquoise-shirted splendor being congratulated for his win.  Dissapointed that you saw the headline? Now…multiply that by 5, 731.

No one’s to blame on this one, but me.  I suppose that we all have things that we don’t want people to know – our weird quirks, odd habits, our innermost thoughts and feelings that should NEVER see daylight.  Except for me, evidently, I don’t seem to have a problem spewing my feelings in cyberspace.

But it just goes to show you that not only do we not know what goes on behind closed doors… we also never truly know a person.

Never.  Not ever.

I’ve decided that today I’m angry.  I just came from looking at a studio apartment that was just what I needed.  And I, in that moment, swallowed my sadness, as I looked at the water pressure and surveyed the patio.   I am so God damn angry.  And I’m not afraid to say it.  I am so GOD DAMN ANGRY.  So angry that I need to be looking at apartments on a snowy Friday night.  That I need to be contemplating my future with my sister over Upper East Side Guinness (not that it wasn’t fun)…I am so God damn angry.  Angry.  That today I know too much.  And I don’t know enough about tomorrow.

Today, I canceled my flight to Salt Lake City.   It was to be a wonderful, much-needed vacation that was planned in October with such good people.  A beautiful cabin, skiing in Deer Valley…it was going to be an unchartered adventure.  The Delta receptionist conversation went like this:

DELTA:           Do you want to cancel the two reservations under this confirmation #?

ME:                  No, thanks, just the one under my name…I mean, yes, I DO want to cancel the other one as well, but that would be really mean.

DELTA            (laughter) Ok, that sounds like a story.

You have no idea…

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