The big question.

So, I’ve been doing some thinking.  Imagine that.

At one time, I was advised to read the teachings of Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist, and  his thoughts on relationships.  Despite the fact that he was born in the 1870s, the man knows what he’s talking about.

He’s big on projection – that often what we don’t like in others is a direct reflection of what we don’t like in ourselves.  He calls this our Shadow – when we over-react emotionally to people who have a quality that we don’t like, we are seeing a part of our own Shadow.  Only when two people who trust enough to be vulnerable and are committed to each other, can they help each other see their Shadow – and thus bring about in each other a more cohesive sense of Self.

He also says that “We cannot change anything unless we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses. “  It’s about taking responsibility for our lives – our choices, and the circumstances we blame on others.   As I watched my family in my new apartment today, tape measures in hand and surveying possible furniture positions, I stood back and was forced to ask myself…“I am 31, moving away from what I know and love, with the most important relationship of my life now ended…How did I get here, at this moment?”

It’s a difficult thing, to change our attitude from blame to responsibility.  Especially in such times of overwhelming, drowning sadness.  But I know that this end didn’t come from one man’s faults and commitment issues.  It came from my volatile reaction to those, and a lot of my own previous insecurities, problems, and projections.  Maybe one of these days, I’ll understand it all.  But I don’t think I’ll ever understand why he felt we couldn’t help each other see our Shadows.  We were so close.


One thought on “The big question.

  1. I’m recently divorced, 28, and reflecting on similar issues. My parents tell me I have a horrible temper & I yell to much-so is it surprising then that the reason I left my husband was because in his anger he was disrespectful to me both verbally & physically? Sigh. I realize that though he was still wrong & I’m still better off without him, I was wrong too. I saw the shadow of this hated part of me in him and refused to tolerate it. My current focus is on changing & improving me… I can only hope this enables me to eventually find a relationship without so many ugly shadows.

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