The big question.


So, I’ve been doing some thinking.  Imagine that.

At one time, I was advised to read the teachings of Carl Jung, a Swiss psychiatrist, and  his thoughts on relationships.  Despite the fact that he was born in the 1870s, the man knows what he’s talking about.

He’s big on projection – that often what we don’t like in others is a direct reflection of what we don’t like in ourselves.  He calls this our Shadow – when we over-react emotionally to people who have a quality that we don’t like, we are seeing a part of our own Shadow.  Only when two people who trust enough to be vulnerable and are committed to each other, can they help each other see their Shadow – and thus bring about in each other a more cohesive sense of Self.

He also says that “We cannot change anything unless we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses. “  It’s about taking responsibility for our lives – our choices, and the circumstances we blame on others.   As I watched my family in my new apartment today, tape measures in hand and surveying possible furniture positions, I stood back and was forced to ask myself…“I am 31, moving away from what I know and love, with the most important relationship of my life now ended…How did I get here, at this moment?”

It’s a difficult thing, to change our attitude from blame to responsibility.  Especially in such times of overwhelming, drowning sadness.  But I know that this end didn’t come from one man’s faults and commitment issues.  It came from my volatile reaction to those, and a lot of my own previous insecurities, problems, and projections.  Maybe one of these days, I’ll understand it all.  But I don’t think I’ll ever understand why he felt we couldn’t help each other see our Shadows.  We were so close.

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One thought on “The big question.

  1. I’m recently divorced, 28, and reflecting on similar issues. My parents tell me I have a horrible temper & I yell to much-so is it surprising then that the reason I left my husband was because in his anger he was disrespectful to me both verbally & physically? Sigh. I realize that though he was still wrong & I’m still better off without him, I was wrong too. I saw the shadow of this hated part of me in him and refused to tolerate it. My current focus is on changing & improving me… I can only hope this enables me to eventually find a relationship without so many ugly shadows.

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