Tuesday, I have to say…is the day of the week I detest with the fire of a thousand suns. It is a full day at work and then four hours of class. I get home after 10:30, starving, exhausted yet energized because my brain has just been stretched to its capacity, full of information that will never see the light of day.
I woke up, rejecting the idea of leaving my foam mattress pad. In my present state, it’s hard enough to get out of bed – harder still when you know you are not returning for 15 hours. But my day flew by, consisted of coconut cake the size of my head, oh and a few work-related things happened. One of my favorite parts of my morning these days is when my cubicle buddy (who has the best Long Island accent known to man), walks into my “office,” and, giving me a high five, says “How are we doing today?” It’s a rhetorical question, and something he’s been doing since he sensed something was up two weeks ago, and he asked me that exact question. Only two weeks ago, I grabbed him and cried, heaving all my weight into his arms. Now, it’s our daily routine, strictly patterned to let me know he’s there.
I received a book in the mail from a friend, one that helped her heal through difficult times, and one I shall crack the bind on when I finish this post. Then it was 5:30p, off to class, and trust me when I tell you, if you ever want to put your problems in perspective, go to a graphic two hour lecture on the Nazi regime. After that, I walked out feeling like I should never complain about anything EVER again…and onto Sports Media and Sponsorship, my favorite class Turns out, during a Virginia Tech / USC game in 2004, ESPN 2 aired the production truck live, giving all a behind-the scenes look at what goes into a college football telecast, while the game aired on ESPN. I know, some of you are like, “Oh great, why don’t you just give me a papercut and pour lemon juice on it,” but I have to tell you, I was grinning like a kid on Christmas Day. So fascinating, and I just friggin’ LOVE college football.
I realized at 9:40pm, still in class, that I hadn’t cried all day, hadn’t truly gotten sad. Of course there were moments when my heart swelled up and I swear grew twice its size, but this time it didn’t result in a quick shot of tears. Instead, I forced it down and went back to what I was doing. All week, I heard my mom’s voice… everytime we started at a new school, she said “Smile at everybody. No one can be mean to someone smiling at them.” And I did – I performed at work, made new friends in class, laughed at all my professors’ jokes. At one point, I was hit with the reminder of all the things I don’t need to worry about anymore. I won’t tell you what those things are – suffice to say it’s refreshing that they are no longer my problem. I’m not blind to the fact that I’m host to a whole NEW set of worries, but …not like these.
I’m also completely aware that I may not feel this strong tomorrow – life is not a straight line, but let me appreciate today, while I still have it.
PS – I got two midterms back, both taken the day my heart was broken. Two A’s. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.