Wednesday was a good day. I wish I could put my finger on why, so that I could replicate it. But I can’t. I woke up dragging because of another late night, and didn’t have an exceptional day at work. But I felt strong, made jokes in class (there’s nothing like making a class of forty laugh out loud), and walked home through the park. I didn’t feel lonely or sad today, nor as I write this. I felt in control. I can’t explain why.
Maybe it’s because I realize we can’t change people, and make them into the people we thought they were. That puts such an unrealistic expectation on them that they don’t deserve. But this doesn’t stop us from trying. It often doesn’t occur to us that the best way to create change is not to try to convince others to change but to change ourselves.
I received a horoscope of all things that really made me think. It read:
For simply giving thanks, Eileen, when you lay down to sleep each night, or, from time to time, for no reason or rhyme, you’ll begin to move with life instead of against it.
You’ll be shown that life could not possibly be more beautiful than it is now. You’ll see that you are the fountainhead of your experience. You’ll remember that you transcend all things time and space, and thus are their very master. And you’ll find that you live in a paradise where the only thing that truly seems impossible is how powerful you really are and how much you are loved.
I’m not silly enough to think I’ve conquered anything at all. I know this part of my life is full of ups and downs. There are no plateaus. But, today I am thankful for the little amount of strength that allowed a lighter mood and a profound sense that, whatever happens, I’m going to be ok.
But I’m presently watching The Notebook, so this could end at any time. 😉