Out this weekend at The Modern, and in the middle of a conversation at the bar, a woman sitting next to me leans over to my gentleman conversationalist, and said, “You are BLOWING this.” We all laughed, but she persisted, “No really, she’s your dream girl…and you are so blowing this.” Despite the obvious awkwardness, these words from a complete stranger made me feel good, that she would consider me as unique and special, someone’s dream girl, without ever having spoken to me.
I’ve felt less than myself for a long time, for when someone decides that they would rather not share their life with you, it leaves you heartbroken and questioning your shortcomings. I’ve noticed that I don’t put any time into my appearance more than showering and throwing on some chapstick for good measure. Just because I’m technically allowed to wear jeans and flipflops to work doesn’t mean I should. My hair always ends up in a clip, and am a rare girl who doesn’t spend her Saturdays shopping (this Saturday was spent working on my golf swing on the driving range). I don’t treat myself to manicures and pedicures, and I don’t remember to wash my face every night before going to bed. I seem to be making a hard time even harder by not feeling good in my own skin, or showing respect to my outward self. I suppose my sadness is wearing me, in a way. But this needs to change, because if there ever is a time in your life when you need to realize your self-worth, it’s when you feel less than special.
So tonight, despite my quiet Sunday night (or maybe because of it), I popped open a bottle of champagne, one that friends had given to my ex and me at our Christmas / housewarming party to celebrate our new home. I didn’t have anything to commemorate, in the real sense. But I wanted to toast myself, for putting one foot in front of the other everyday these past two months, admitting my struggles, and persevering despite not feeling like it. Each day is a clean slate that brings both sadness, memories, and reminds me that life is so short.
Things I Know for Sure – Part 2:
11) It’s never too late to follow your heart.
12) You should regularly ask yourself the following question : “If you had one phone call to make before you died, who would you call, what would you say, and why are you WAITING?!”
13) You shouldn’t feel lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.
14) The idea of loving your job should not be as foreign as it sounds.
15) There is so much thing as escaping your problems. If problems and issues are not appreciated, respected, and dealt with, they will follow you wherever you decide to move to.
16) Everyday, God puts something good in our lives – it’s up to us if we decide to see it.
17) If you read nothing else in the New York Times, read “Modern Love” in the Sunday Styles section every Sunday. You won’t regret it.
18) Constantly reliving your wounded feelings gives the person who caused you pain power over you.
19) When something is missing in your life, it usually turns out to be someone.
20) You are the hero in your own one-hour drama. With every decision you make as the protagonist, be the one that the audience roots for, admires, cheers on, understands, and loves. The one they tune in to see every week.
and honorary #21, just cuz- stop saving the champagne for a special event. It may not come… And it just may be that opening up that bottle makes it a special night, even if it’s champagne for one.