It’s just me.

I have nothing to say today that you haven’t heard before.  After yet another fun night out, I have nothing to offer that doesn’t involve the importance of good friends that allow you to see you for who you are and remind you of what others have failed miserably to see.  But as you will see, I’m rambling and freaking out a bit. Ok…a lot.

I was asked so many times today about my next steps.  Career steps. Love steps.  Life steps.  And the fact that the world is my oyster is a foreign idea.  I haven’t felt that concept since my teens…the moment in your life when you are trying to decide where to go to college and what you want to be when you grow up.

At this point, no one’s life needs to be coincided with mine.  No one’s plan to fit mine around.  No life plan conversations to have.  It’s just me, folks.  So there is nothing to think of… but what I want, when I want it, where I want it.  People leave marriages for this feeling, stay single for this feeling, choose not to have children for this feeling – because they yearn for freedom.  They crave their independence and the idea that they can do, say, move, be…  anything, at anytime, with anyone.

It will take me a long time to understand the true meaning of this.  Because it isn’t what I wanted, to only think of me.  I loved planning my life with someone else’s.  So it’s hard to understand it’s just me in this.  Just me.  i have no one else to consider but me.  It’s too much to wrap my mind around.  The world at my feet.  And I want to walk away from that freedom.  I want to have other people to think about.  Another to plan my life with…


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