Shades of Grey

There are four happiness killers:

  1. doing work you do not love and are not passionate about
  2. surrounding yourself with people who just fill time
  3. living somewhere that does not let you be you
  4. Materialism. Plain and simple.

Life is far too short.  Or, as my aunt said as we were hiking in the 97 degree heat of Arizona, life is too long…Too long to live like that.

I suppose this whole process is about getting to know yourself better.  To be able to entertain yourself…and learning to love the silence.  And, as I sit here eating cupcakes (yes, plural) and drinking red wine (also plural, but you already knew that), I’m trying to focus on the inside.  My insides.  And not the insides I stuff with french fries.  But my true core.

We all have a true core, steady and sturdy, that we can cling to.  Unfortunately, we only remember we have it when things around us are falling apart.  But these times of sadness allow us to remember that it’s always there, regardless of the circumstances we are going through.  And it’s the only truly safe place to call home.  Because it’s within us. It’s the only thing that we can depend on.

So I’m working on #1-4 above.  One step at a time.  Because I’m feeling incredibly restless.  I’m a very black and white person – things are one way or they are the other way.  If we’re living in a grey area, it’s because we’re weak and indecisive.  So, all of these forms of grey in my life – all charcoals, pale greys, and slate greys.  I’m so done.  I’m doing work I am not passionate about.  I have been guilty of surrounding myself with people who just fill time.  I am living somewhere that does not let me be me.  And as for materialism, I don’t experience it – because I can’t afford to!  But I am guilty of thinking that a bit more wealth would solve my problems.  And, God, it wouldn’t (although all Fordham Student Loan checks can be made out to my name, that’s one L, two Es)…but I know more than anyone that money doesn’t buy happiness.  I have seen SO many people in the last few years begging for that to be true.  Best of luck to you.  Let me know how that goes.

So here I go with #1.


One thought on “Shades of Grey

  1. When you want to grab dinner and stuff your “other” insides with delicious food from a “bucket list” restaurant, you know where to email me. Would be a blast. 🙂

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