I’ve always been a planner. I write everything down for fear of forgetting, and crossing something off a To Do List has always been satisfying. My daily planners look like the notebooks of John Nash. I find planning to be satisfying – it saves times, and Lord knows, I’m a multi-tasker. I’m sitting here catching up on Jersey Shore Season 1 while typing this and stuffing my face with pita chips. I did not say I used my time well, I simply said I used it.
But “living patiently” is an idea that I’m trying to wrap my mind around. Patience is a virtue…that I don’t possess. Which is why it’s even more important to learn it. To be fully present. The present can be hard, uncomfortable, and boring, but life unfolds as the Universe sees fit. Yes, I’d like to use my remote control and fast-forward through all the overwhelming parts. I am of the generation of DVR and can barely watch commercials unless it’s the Superbowl. It’s all about getting to the main points, the plot, the exciting parts.
The pace of my transition feels slow…and even though I know “there is no timeline” (my mantra), Time Doesn’t Heal A Damn Thing. It’s what you do with that time that makes the difference. If I don’t rush it, I just might see myself learning, changing, strengthening. In between the big life events, there are a lot of important things happening… and it’s these moments, these intermissions, that define us. Patience allows us to take small pleasures in the life unfolding before our eyes..the trick is to not let it pass us by.
There is a myth that timing is everything. I’ve always believed that, but now I think I’m changing my mind. Today I was introduced to the idea that “Timing isn’t everything; it’s something, but not everything. If you wait for timing you’ll end up with nothing.”
So, one day years from now, I hope I am sitting on my couch, rocking my children to sleep, laughing at my 31 year-old self…at how ridiculous I was in thinking that things weren’t going to work out. I want my forty-year old self to tell my 31-year old self to live patiently… and to love my present. That it will all be okay. That I will be okay.