My ex-boyfriend is getting married on Saturday. No, not THAT ex-boyfriend (that would have been quick)…the one before. We were together for 2.5 years, and we ended three years ago. Without humor, wit, and any semblance of sarcasm, I feel genuinely happy for him.
There was a time when I thought feeling joyful for him was not a possibilty – but instead, I wish him a long and happy life with his bride-to-be. He’s a good man. He just wasn’t the man for me.
If anything, his marriage has made me realize what once I thought impossible… is extremely possible. At one point, after our breakup, it seemed unfathomable to be happy for him being with someone else… let alone getting married to another. But now I see how far we as human beings can come… how our feelings change and evolve over time…And how I can surprise even myself.
Within a few days of my most recent breakup a few months ago, I received a kind email from one of our mutual friends. She had gone through something similar with her now-husband. Something she wrote to me resonates with me still, four months later: It took me months for my heart to feel a little healed, i am not going to lie, but eventually I came to realize i could easily fall just in love with someone else – that he wasn’t the only guy for me. And honestly, I got to a place in my life that set the tone for the rest of it…i learned to be happy with me.
I thought she was crazy. How could I think that I could fall in love with someone else? But I get it now. Because there was a time three years ago, when I thought I couldn’t get over A. Now A is getting married, and I’m thrilled for him. So, maybe one day, I’ll get over B. (Is there a C in my future?) I’m ten times the person I was four months ago. I’m eager to see who I become over the next four months.
The past few days have been great. Over the weekend, I shared old times with Boston. On Monday, I was strengthened in DC. Wednesday, I found my backhand…it finally clicked! I was told it would, that one day I would wake up, and it would be as if I was doing it for years. It came to me and it all made sense. Thursday, I had a night that brought me back to my old neighborhood, but in the crook of a different strong arm, who made me laugh and smile.
You can’t rush it, you can’t force it. It’s corny, but you just keep being the best version of yourself possible. You follow your dreams of moving to the West Coast, you take risks in changing careers, your friendships strengthen, you continue to do things you love, and find new people who inspire you. You do it all, day after day. And you find peace, finally, within yourself.
So a sincere, heartfelt congratulations, A. May I one day also find someone who wants to greet me at the end of that long aisle. Until then, it’s all about me…and the peace I find more of everyday.