I attended my last night of MBA classes. With the exception of the best damn homework ever, I am done. And thanks to the miracles of technology, I am on a plane as I type this, headed to San Francisco. It’s an attempt to let the shoulders sag, the exhale to run deep, and the smile to return.
Einstein said that a mind expanded to a new idea never returns to its original size. I know that, after three and a half years of school, it’s impossible to not fill my time with learning new things…the things that I put on hold for so long: learning a new language, returning to riding, golf and tennis lessons, and classes in wine at the American Sommelier Association. I’m used to inhaling new ideas, and can’t seem to stop now. Of course, this time it will involve some of my passions.
I am really scared though… and surprisingly emotional about the end of this journey. My mantra became “I can’t find a new job until I get my degree, I can’t move cities until I get my degree, I can’t pursue my passions until I get my degree”…so many major life decisions pushed aside for three little letters.
But now they are no longer delayed, and the chain that bound me to my life has been unlocked. I know the answers will come and my problems will have a way of working themselves out. I just have to keep searching for the solutions…one will lead to ten….and ten more after that. They don’t even need to be great ideas or make a bit of sense, but one of these days they will lead to something.
Over these past few years, I have allowed the stress of having too many responsibilities and the overbearing desire to be good at everything change who I am. Too often, it led me to become short-tempered, angry, and reactive. Now that I will have time to meet my new interests, I am looking forward to seeing who I become, how I change when I make time for the things and people I love. In the meantime, I’m doing my best to harbor patience… that all of these answers will come when they are called. Patience teaches us to live in the moment. The future and the past are not real places, they are ideas. The present is the only thing that is real. I am trying to find gratitude in the now, and not be led astray by the sadness of the past and an unknown future. The present has been my enemy for some time now, but I must welcome it to my door and allow it to enter. Because today my present includes an accomplishment that took many years to earn and an adventure to San Francisco. I don’t know where any of this is going to take me, but I am going to relinquish control, and instead take flight.