Ok, moment of truth. But you’re used to that.
After careful thought (and let’s be honest, two glasses of Rioja), I made an attempt at discovery, dissection, and understanding. I am now on match.com. And not because it’s what I want. In fact, I would rather drop a television on my foot…and not a small one… I’m talking a 60 inch HD flat screen with 3D capabilities, Dolby sound system, and built-in Blu-Ray. That’s how much I hate this. There’s a reason why it’s called “match”…it’s what happens when your life has burst into flames.
I suppose it’s to peel away the layers…to remind me that there are tons of people out there…that I am valued, attractive, and not taken for granted…even if just in HTML form.
So no the purpose for me is not to meet someone, and can’t imagine it happening in this way. I don’t feel ready to explore that possibility quite yet, although my heart is not closed to it. (Plus, do you ever feel ready? Or is this what you do to get ready?) Maybe, if I get to a place where that feels less foreign, I’ll respond to one of these guys. My friend asked me why I did not just peruse Match for free, without setting up a profile. My response was that I wasn’t looking…I was waiting to be found.
Without a shred of ego attached to this statement, I woke up six hours later to 45 emails and 34 winks (and honestly, you’re a grown man, don’t wink at me). Now might be the time for me to take up drinking. Professionally. The amount of communication is not a testament to me, but proof that there are a lot of people out there looking for the same thing as I am. So I pushed the account out of my mind, went to work, ran in the park. When I came home, I poured a glass of wine, lit some candles, took a huge inhale and dove in. Most were nice, ranging from teachers to hedgefund managers, which just proves we are all equally lost. But strangely enough, I got six “Where have you been all my life” and, oddly, more than one “I love your hair”… I got five from one NYC firefighter and one from a woman who is trying to find someone for her husband’s best friend, and she thinks I’m the One. Seven told me that I “just fit” with what they were looking for. There were many with a few sketchier comments that I won’t write because my dad is reading this. Hi Dad.
I know this has worked for some people, but let’s be frank, I am too biased, too far gone, and just plain old not interested in this because it doesn’t feel like me. The only reason I did not cancel my membership today is that I am trying to move on with my life, open myself up to possibility, be less jaded, and learn something about myself. So I won’t cancel until next week.
In twenty-four hours, I’ve come away with some reminders, and I suppose, that was the purpose of this…
- I’m a friggin’ catch.
- Other people see that, even if 50% are creepy.
- I’m taking another step forward. Even if it feels like I’m waking up on another planet, it’s still a step, despite the lack of gravity and need for a space suit.
- One day, I will laugh at this. Nope, not yet.
- And thank you, yes, I do have a pretty great haircut.
So if I can provide a few laughs at my expense, then that is my sole purpose to you, my readers, as I entertain all of you with my diatribe. One day when I’m happily married to Jake Gyllenhaal, sitting on my deck of my farmhouse in Montana, overlooking my pastures filled with rescued horses, petting my Golden Retrievers who lay at my feet…you can remind me of The Misadventures of a Girl on a Weeklong Search for Answers. And I will deny everything.