I have a habit of listening for sounds from the adjacent cubicle in the morning. The crinkle of a plastic bag being placed on the desk, the hanger being picked up from its hook, the tap of a password being entered all mean that K has arrived at work. I give her a few minutes to settle in and listen to her messages, (I am nothing if not courteous) and then my dramatics begin. It could involve raising my eyebrows and sitting heavily in her extra chair, sighing, until she says, “Oh good Lord, what?” On my energetic days, I like to make her laugh by throwing my body into fetal position on her floor and laughing psychotically from stress until tears are streaming down my face, and we are both in hysterics. It’s shocking I’m single, I know.
Today’s “issue” was the sudden buzz from my job search, which, while still early, may lead to many quick decisions to be made about my future. I complained about the interviews that were set up, the VPs calling me to consider working for them …because it all made me stressed and they weren’t necessarily positions that I had included in my new life entitled “When Eileen Got a High-Powered Marketing Job in San Francisco, an Apartment with the View of the Bay, a Golden Retriever, and a Loving Boyfriend.” I suppose I saw this next step as the answer, the huge “ah ha!” moment, the answer to why I raked up $60k in student loans, the reason to move to San Francisco and start anew, the end all and be all. No pressure though.
So today K rolled her eyes at my pity party and replied “Oh , woe is me, I’m getting job inquiries, I’m in demand, I’m being recognized. Be careful what you ask for. Now where is my Crumbs cupcake?”
So within five I was back on track to seeing that this was a good thing. It’s nice to be recruited, it’s nice to have people remind you that you are valued and they’d like to have you come be a part of their team. It’s what we all look for, isn’t it?
Tonight, while on horseback, I took a look around the ring and realized that I have a pretty darn fantastic life. Yeah, it’s been a rocky road as of late. But there I sat, having an hour jumping lesson on a sensational and challenging horse that was actually responding to me… and I was doing really well and having a blast. It also helped that I was surrounded by my barn friends, and that the NYC view driving back in glowed purple.
In short, I’m feeling very grateful today. That I live in a place where I get asked to take pictures WITH tourists in Times Square simply because I’m wearing my riding clothes…that I got stopped not once, but three times, by homeless people tonight, not asking me for money, but asking me about horses. That the CEO I wrote to in a moment of whimsy wrote me back a long letter about following my dreams. That in six hours I will be taking a tennis lesson in Central Park as the sun breaks. That in 20 hours, I will be arriving at Yankee Stadium (this is why I eat PB &J everyday for breakfast and lunch and Raisin Bran for dinner)…
As we all know, some days are hard. Even some moments of the good days are hard. But, as a wise person once told me, “any problem you can throw money at is not a problem.” Everyone I know is happy and healthy. My friends and family are finding love and making families of their own. I know no one fighting in this war. The rest is life and we get through it. Today was a reminder, a souvenir, a Polaroid. That a person is not old until regrets take the place of their dreams…and that life goes on, not to spite you, but to remind you…that what you have, what I have, is pretty darn great.