Any minute now…


Tonight I received an email from a recent graduate from Boston College interested in getting into film and television.  I immediately thought of my well-established professional network that would be happy to offer her advice, until I realized that she actually desired my words of wisdom.  Mine.  Apparently, without noticing, I had accumulated a decade’s worth of dusty troves that this girl wanted to uncover, learn from.  For a moment I felt haughty, self – congratulatory…but that didn’t last very long.  Very quickly, the devil on my shoulder reminded me that I was far from being able to offer advice when I too was seeking the advice of a career coach and therapist   Would she find out I was a sham?…the Milli Vanilli of career advice?  A mere cubicle-dweller, who frankly almost walked out of work today leaving my cardboard box behind.  You know it’s bad when you don’t care enough to take your cardboard box.  Actually, let me backtrack.  You know it’s bad when you keep a cardboard box under your desk.  There’s probably a feng shui rule about that…not to mention all the ‘laws of attraction’ I must be breaking.

As of late, I myself have been given much advice, be it regarding life, love, or work…to wait with equanimity until things move forward again…to not take the first thing (or person) that comes along… to have patience…to realize that life is too long to spend it with the wrong person, but also too short if spending it with the right one…that there is never too much beer in the fridge.

And now as I listen to my apartment creak and moan, I realize that my sprinter’s pace has stalled.  My daily meetings, interviews, calls, informationals, career research… are phoning it in.  I am exhausted from it.  Depleted by the corporate hierarchy that rewards tenure, not talent….the blackhole of internet job postings that even NASA couldn’t find…the hiring internally excuses…the hiring externally excuses….all the waiting…for the one opportunity that sends me in a new direction, a new place.  My workhorse has taken to pasture.

While in a therapy session the other day, the co-pay earning kind gentleman who has secured his place in heaven asked my why I wasn’t angry at the people and circumstances that have screwed me over, when others in my life get things so easily.  Me, who has a habit of mentioning to people on the street that they’re walking too slow…who only by the grace of God has never gotten a speeding ticket…who constantly needs to remind people that although I may be slight, but I have a mean right hook…who, let’s be frank, has had a less than stellar year…who can’t seem to catch what should be a very simple break.  Why aren’t I angry?  Because I don’t want to be an angry person anymore.  It’s even more tiresome, and that brief feeling of entitlement, of deserving, has gotten me nowhere. And so I sit, unmotivated, unrehearsed, wearing Hanes boxer briefs and a Kenneth Cole t-shirt that reads “I Have Issues.”  Indeed, Kenneth.  Indeed.

I don’t consider myself a music buff.  I can quote television and movies, and wrap myself in Aaron Sorken-esque scripts and dialogue.  When it comes to songs, I often choose based on melodies, not words.  But tonight, I heard this song, and realized that I too, in every way possible, am waiting for my ship to come sailing in.

WAITING FOR MY REAL LIFE TO BEGIN

Any minute now, my ship is coming in

I’ll keep checking the horizon

I’ll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing

Come crashing down down down, on me

And you say, be still my love

Open up your heart

Let the light shine in

But don’t you understand

I already have a plan

I’m waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened

But in my dreams, I slew the dragon

And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane

I’m walking in my old footsteps, once again

And you say, just be here now

Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin

Let me throw one more dice

I know that I can win

I’m waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in

I’ll keep checking the horizon

And I’ll check my machine, there’s sure to be that call

It’s gonna happen soon, soon, soon

It’s just that times are lean

And you say, be still my love

Open up your heart, let the light shine in

Don’t you understand

I already have a plan

I’m waiting for my real life to begin

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