I spent an incredible night with friends, was reminded of the coolness of Zipcar, arrived home to be met with the brilliance of Aaron Sorkin, and then read this below email in my inbox. An email that spoke to me and made we remember a lot of feelings, and acknowledge how far I’ve come. A full Sunday.
Before you read further, a Happy Birthday to Eileen Coughlin. My best friend in the whole world, for 27 long years. She worries about me and pretends she doesn’t. She doesn’t give me a hard time about not checking in with her because she knows I don’t want her voice so far away to make me cry. She reads my blog dutifully to check in to make sure I’m still inhaling and exhaling. She’s constant, my North, and she’d do anything for me. And I her.
Anyway, back to that email….
It’s hard, it’s wrenching. It’s incredibly painful and it’s difficult to feel lightness. Or to see clearly. Hanging by a thread can be really disorienting. What you’re going through undeniably sucks.
Listen to me: It’s going to be okay. You’re going to get through this. You can do it. Baby, you ARE doing it. You’re getting through this. Right now your cells are plumping up and your heart is beating and you have your breath. In breath. Out breath. It’s really okay if you have to get that basic about getting through it. In breath, out breath. Sun’s gonna rise. It’s going to be okay. Take encouragement from strangers. Like me. Go ahead. Take it. It’s free and I don’t feel karmically entangled. So listen to me: It’s going to be okay.
This will not kill you.
Do you believe in angels? If you don’t just believe in them for the next twenty fours. There are a hundred thousand angels by your side.
You’re probably feeling devastatingly alone, like an iceberg drifting. No one can hear you cracking. It’s cold. But, just like an iceberg, you have so much beneath the surface. Years of layers and lifetimes of experience and strengths to call on — skills of expanding consciousness that you didn’t even know you had. You will not sink.
People have been through what you’re going through right now. Thousands of them. Really and truly. Your picture of heartbreak, your strain of pain is part of the human fabric, and that tapestry is holding you like an Eskimo blanket. Other people have survived this and when they got out of the hole, they left a morphogenic popcorn trail out of the pain. You can trace their steps.
It may be hard to believe right now, but not only will it be okay, not only will you get through and over this, you will thrive again. You will be clear and vibrant and INCREDIBLE. You will not only have more character to pull out at parties and wisdom to offer the world, but you will feel more joy than you think is possible right now. You will.
You may walk with a limp. You may wince when you look back (understandable,) you may cry unexpectedly in the book store, but you’ll be more alive, and more You. You will be strong. And you will feel a curious sensation of being more useful. And it will feel really, really fantastic.
What you’re going through right now is so difficult.
And it’s going to be okay.
More than okay.