Oh the irony of watching the Olympics while drinking Red Stripe and munching on Milano cookies….
But I’m cutting myself some slack after a rather tough tennis lesson, and a really long, satisfying but draining, five days of Landmark Education. It’s not easy to continue an ongoing education about living a life of integrity and authenticity. If it were easy, everyone would do it.
For 14 hours a day, I sat in an uncomfortable chair and questioned the meaning I attach to the past, how I see the world, and how I place myself in it.
One of the most important questions asked this weekend was “What am I committed to creating?” Because it’s not about what happens to you, or what you have to do, or what you want. It’s about what you’re going to create. I committed to a creating a place in my heart for someone new. I’m creating the possibility of unconditional love, trust, and forgiveness in my life and future partnership. I committed to daily integrity, honesty, and authenticity every minute of every day. I committed to being with, and not avoiding.
I know now that everything after the words “but” and “because” is a lie. And that indifference is the opposite of love. I got that big time. I got it down to my toes.
Most of all I learned that my word is who I am, and even showing up five minutes late to a promised time shows a crack in its stability. Our word is all we have. Know that if I give you my word, breaking it is no longer an option.
I’ve been through many trials these last few months. I’ve lost the closeness to a family that I love as much as my own, and I have no idea why. That’s what’s been bothering me so much – the not knowing why. And I always want a reason. But I’ve made a commitment to make it through, without needing to know. What I am certain of is that I’ve showed up everyday and will continue to with the integrity and truth that would make a lesser man cower.
All 101 of us this weekend supported and stood for each other. When things got tough, and we had to face some difficult stories of our past, we held each other up. I’ve never felt closer to people in my life. I have great friends and an incredible family. But when you reveal your soul to a young, handsome Frenchman and he reaches for your hand as a tear slides down your cheek, the onion is peeled away. When you wake up and have to face a particularly hard circumstance, and you receive a text from 4 people saying “We’re standing for you,” it changes everything you’ve ever known about the possibility of people. And I now can see the courage it took to show up. For you are not judged on your entrance, but on your exit. And I choose not to exit.