Elizabeth: “Our carriage driver looks like Gavin Degraw.”
Eileen: “I got dipped. By an old man.”
Eileen: “If you’re going to sit across from us, you’re going to have to talk about something more interesting than that.” (I get obnoxious when I drink Bud Light)
Elizabeth: “Remember when you had that guy in a headlock? He was shell-shocked.” (why do I always put guy in headlocks? No wonder I’m single…
“Such a nice couple.” (about Elizabeth and me)
Elizabeth: “How does wine taste like the seaaa???” (after reading a description of a bottle of white – and it did taste like the sea…)
Eileen:”I can’t believe how good these ribs are.”
Elizabeth: “I can’t believe how good my life is.”
Eileen:”When it’s a three napkin dinner you know it’s a good one.”
Elizabeth:”Except it’s lunch.”
Elizabeth”It’s just a flesh wound.” (Meanwhile, I fell off a patio and into a rose bush, while salvaging my Mac above my head)
Elizabeth:”I will put the bayou-whopping on you.”
Eileen: “I’m concerned that my feet no longer fit into my shoes.” (I gained at least 10 lbs on this trip, so much that my shoes stopped fitting).
Eileen: “Why do I have to eat until I’m in physical pain?” (see above)
Ed: “I did the right fucking thing, which I never do.”
Ed: “She has a questionable prescription drug problem.” (describing an ex)
Eileen: “Are we going to see the vaginas now? (talking about a Georgia O’Keefe exhibit)
Eilizabeth: “Well, we don’t have to.”
Eileen: “No, I really want to.”
Woman at The Ventian: “The canal with the gondolas is on the 2nd floor.”
Elizabeth: “Oh, of course it is…”
Eileen: “I’m actually really sore from yoga.”
Elizabeth:: “You know what’s good for that?”
Eileen: “Oooh what?!”
Best Country Song lyrics heard while driving:
Here’s a quarter for someone who cares.
Tequila makes her clothes fall off.
If you think the life I love is too country, truck yeah.
She loves me like Jesus does.
Honky Tonk heroes like me…
Living down in Waco made a wacko out if me.
She’s 10 pounds of sugar in a 5 pound sack.
She cranks my tractor.
You got a taste like honey, and I got a little beer money.
Girl, you make my speakers go boom, boom.
Hide, your crazy, and start acting like a lady.
I can’t believe how much it turns me on to be your man.
Best Signs Seen
Yee-haw for Yahweh (outside a Baptist Church)
BBQ Awaits. 39 Miles. (billboard outside Houston)
Keep Your Laws off My Guns. (on a truck’s bumper sticker in TX)