Rock Bottom, Sign of the Apocalypse, or Just Me Being Me…?


  • I just became friends with a blind golden retriever puppy named Ray Charles on Facebook.
  • I’m drinking wine.  From a box.  By choice.
  • I’m more than mildly interested in @AmandaBynes twitter feed.
  • I will be direct messaging my mother’s phone number to anyone who feels the slightest need to cry and complain.  Sheila will set you straight.  There’s no shortage of the following:
    • “Get out of your jammies”
    • “There are other fish in the sea”
    • “Stop finding men with major flaws.  You haven’t been put on this planet to fix them.”

You begin the conversation in fetal position and within 10 minutes, you’ll be doing three loads of laundry and cooking a three-course meal.

  • Exact conversation from my life:
    • He: Do you actually have a huge framed photograph of a football above your fireplace?
    • Me: Obvi.
    • He:  I don’t know if that makes you weird or amazing.
    • Me: If you have to ask, the exit is the same as the entrance.
  • I bought a satin blouse.  I have to dryclean it every effin’ time I wear it.  Fingerprints, water spots, wrinkles – satin is my kryptonite. Thoughts from my cerebral cortex will actually mark this damn thing up. But DAYEM, it’s hot.
  • All day.  Everyday.  I talk to myself.  I find myself quite amusing. I didn’t realize I even did it until I traveled cross-country for a month with a friend.
    • Elizabeth: What?
    • Me: What.
    • Elizabeth: You just said something.
    • Me: I’m not talking to you.
    • Elizabeth: Oh.  Because we’re the only two people IN THIS CAR, I assumed you were talking to me.  Nutball.
  • When I do talk to myself, the most often question I ask myself out loud is: “GAHHHH!  Why do I do the things I do???”
  • I just found my high school picture.  I could have taken it yesterday.  Same haircut, same everything. Personally, I’m quite proud of looking the same way I did in high school. I mean, you’ve seen Facebook.
  • I try to fit, “You know nothing, John Snow” into conversation at least once a day.

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